Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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