The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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