Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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