Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize