Kiss
Puke
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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