thus making me awesome and them whores
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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