Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize