You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize