Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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