My Higher Power is John Stamos
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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