I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think people are normalizing furries
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize