forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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