I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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