Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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