is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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