I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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