You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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