Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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