if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
pop tarts are not kleenex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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