Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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