Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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