i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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