apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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