Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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