I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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