and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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