He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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