I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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