Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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