so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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