paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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