I'm so fucking centered right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize