OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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