you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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