Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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