Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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