So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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