I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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