I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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