Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
did i just pee glitter
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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