arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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