He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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