You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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