what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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