I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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