I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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