I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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