An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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