i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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