No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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