i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize